The Seb Affair

One boring spring lunchtime, whilst browsing through files on the school

computer, an amusing photo of Seb, sporting wellies and anorak, on the
Ashes
Hollow geography field trip emerged. A group of 8 or so year 9s (including:

Tom "Head Boy" Garner, Matt "Evil, Malicious Ringleader"
(quote Sharratt)
Webster, Jon "penis" Amos, Dan Humphrey, Ryan Burgess, and, bizarrely,
Seb
himself) thought it would be funny to copy this picture, and use it to

create amusing corel move animations.
These would usually involve the photo of Seb being run over by a clip-art

Car/Bus/Tank/Truck/Plane/Moped etc, or any other hilarious accident
occurring (e.g blown up, squashed, raped) then excessive amounts of blood

would fill the screen (some ended with Seb ascending to heaven, returning

back to life (only to die again), or being abducted by aliens (Seb thought

of that one)). Some of these amazing creations lasted well over 10 minutes,

and brought laughter to the IT room.
However, after two weeks of this hilarity, unbeknown to the 8 involved,
Mrs
Earl was randomly deleting files on pupils workspaces that she reckoned

took up too much space. She stumbled across these cinematic treasures,
but
catastrophically misinterpreted their sheer genius, assuming that the 8
were bullying (note that Seb (one of the 8) must have been bullying himself

(note also that Seb gave handy pointers as to how to use the software,
and
also came up with new ways for him to die)), and not creating artistic

masterpieces to rival any motion picture known to man.
Mrs Earl immediately raised the alarm, and staggered in horror to the
offices of her husband and Mr Sharratt. The 8 were called immediately
to
the IT room, (causing them all to miss an enthralling assembly), then
showered with saliva from the fuming Earls. When asked to explain their

actions the 8 remained silent, only moving to wipe the spit from their

faces, and were forced, unwillingly, to delete every single one of their

wonderful creations.
The 8 were made to stand outside the main entrance every lunch and break
for
a week, write many apology letters (to Mr and Mrs Earl, Mr Sharratt, sebs Parents, Seb himself, and some other people), take several letters home

(from Mr and Mrs Earl, Sharratt etc), and be bollocked by every other
teacher during lessons (including the sweaty Mole (I am for
countless French lessons) Turner (who added although I cant really blame you, Sebs a twat)) for the following 6 weeks.
The 8 were also told in one of the many bollockings that:
None of you will
ever become (Most did, Tom Garner became Head Boy),
and that
You
will banned from taking GCSE IT you will never be allowed in the IT room
(They all took it, most getting A or A* grades, of course
spending every IT lesson pissing about in the IT room).

MSN. A useful thing
Well here is a story written by
Connelly
Timmy
Penis (Jon)
Twince
and Tom (Ski Feet) Garner
One day in a dark wood was an abandoned house, in the house lived the thing, with its loyal servant bert the thing resembled cousin it, which meant he had alot of hair, you know, just in case, and he hadnt been the same since 'the incident'.... which was when he unfortunately stumbled across a decrepid old monkey who cursed him to forever eat banana shaped... warriors with purple helmets, and little cream cannons the thing, which had been cursed was scarred and so spent his days sitting in his little room watching an episode of..... emmanualle 4,5 and six(in a row) Then he got bored and decided to? play with his servent bert, which consisted of...... laying bert to the stone floor and re-capping the days of his childhood, where he and his dad would play with his go kart and watch donkeys while they...... got sucked off by washed up porn actresses who couldnt get decent jobs any more so had to go to extremes after that he.... went for a little stroll in the house of the corrupterd p d file jon amos while he was there, he noticed jon amos had invited garry glitter, matthew kelly, and other PDfiles, who.... all agreed that terrance should join their cult, because there were too many children. terry promptly said yep and so as his first act as a new member willingly ass raped the nearest donkey while sucking off a kid filming the little fiasco of terrys was terrys mum and dad who exclaimed"...... Go on my Son!!!!!!!! at this time, the child that terry was sucking off exclaimed (in a darth vader type style) 'no terry, i am your father', after hearing this, terry..... said, oh thats the eight one today, now seriously boys and girls (ok change to tim) who really is my old man cos i must stop humping him terry's real father owned up and the 2 bonked happily, meanwhile connelly the donkey raper was......... outside and surprisingly enough raping a donkey with his 15 inch penis, he looked up to see...... it was all a dream. he looked down at his 1.000000000234 inch penis and said to tom"....... tom, quick, tell me its not true, tom said 'i havnt seen you naked, but im sure JT has, he has seen every boy naked, ask him', so connelly skipped down to JT's house in a girly fashoin....... and to his surprise found terry and the other sport-keen wigmore pupils lying naked, in cheerleader fashion, yelling 2, 4, 6, 8 who do we want to nominate (to be ass raped) ... terry then saw con the ass rapist walk in and shouted "lets get him" all of the raving homo's from wigmore jumped up and charged at con.... but con using his supreme ox like strength drove through, and then choked terry to death with his now 25 inch penis, after doing that he ran to the.... supprisingly tight ass hole of JT. "ive got you now" JT said as he pumped poor con to death. hahaha your no matchn for me. then jon walks in and......... says common lads break it up, i have many fit girls (16years +) with me and anyone want to join me, surprisingly they all said no...but then jonny remembers how much of a pdfile he is so leaves the 16+ girls and goes and gets with sum 12- whores while with the 12- whore the police break in, but jon knows there is something not quite right with these coppers, theyre infact all 12-, they then start to strip, its jons b'day, jon says "...... ohhhh mumma ( with that his mum walks in and begins to make love to con) ((now reserected by the unstoppable penis power)) but suddenly!! dum dum dum........the non-stripper police raid the room and say, hold up, jon alerted us, my good god its terry with a jon outfit, take him away, but terry with lightening quick reactions... PUMMELS EVERY1 TO DEATH WITH A SUPPRISINGY HEAVY TIE (CONTAINING LOTS OF SPORTS BADGES terry then runs to mexico, it takes him a split second cos some matter and anti matter collide in his anus causing a huge explosion propelling him, he meets a guy called juan, who he ass rapes and shouts "...... adios amigo , your too power ful for me my main man "to be said in a thick mexican accent" however, juan was very persistant, and reminded terry that he 'knows things', terry asked 'what do you know'..... juan says, well i have locked up all the children in this town and don't you try to run away cos if you do... i'll get your mum and play with her until she loves me and then i will b your father and say "Terry i am your father" terry then notices juans penis isnt a penis but a light saber, luckily terrys ass was so big that it didnt touch the side, and infact juan is juanita, no shouts terry and runs to.... the nearest hospital. where he sees tom behind the counter wearing a nurses uniform(nothing to do with the dream i had last night!!) he says "Doctor Doctor"......... tom says 'oh feck, i knew this would happen someday' tom told terry that all doctors and nurses had to wear the same unisex uniform, as the nhs funding would not allow clothes that differentiated the two, opposite genders terry knew that tom was lying tho because he saw that all the other doctors were wearing a different uniform to tom. wen he pointed this out to tom, tom could come up with a new excuse so said"...... "fuck you, why are you wearing nothing but a jockstrap" terry replied "..... i have conjunctivitus!!!!!!! i have to protect against my allergies. Well anyhoo they took jonny into the surgery. after a very sweaty hour later they came to the conclusion that ..... jonny was a hermaphrodite!!!! after this revelation, terry simply had to exclaim.... "phew im so gald im not the only one" doctor on seeing terry said "holy shit, they boys ass looks like its had a warp core explosion inside it, well have to stitch it up, terry cried out cos this meant no more anal sex with kinky mexicans, he ran quickly to....... the nearest kwick-e-mart and shouted" can i have one of your brownest chocolatey doh nuts please"" HURRY APOO THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!" apu asked what this was for, as he was rarely asked for brown chocolate dohnuts from terry, only shags, to this terry replied..... "they are for my brother, i am teaching him the fine arts of ass raping and chocolate dounuts look like ass"....... terry sed, ah fuck it, give me a straw i can fuck that, how much?..... " well as you get staff discount it'l be .99, get back to work!!!"" " thank you come again and terry got back to his 'work', which consisted of........ standing at the door and looking hard(hehe giest) while his mum shined his shoes. Aragorn, legolas, and gimley randomly walked in, on seeing terry's ass, they got on one knee and exclaimed "one ring to control all, we are not worthy", they then chopped off frodo's head for lying about his ring and carried terry to..... mount doom. he then got thrown in to the cracks of doom ( con's ass ) and was never to be seen again!!!!!!!! however, terry came out the other side (which was in australia), and fell into 'the things' and bert's dungeon. when they saw terrys bare behind (as he had been stripped naked before the mount doom ordeal), they both felt the urge to stick there fingers into the ring........... and rip out his intestines. Whilst all this was happening Timmy ran around gathering up all the dragonballs. he wished to be the strongest person in the universe. because his power was 2 great for his small body he blew up the world and that is the end

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